Liberal Friends, listen to this right now: Democratic Nominees are not clay pigeons.

I repeat.

DEMOCRATIC NOMINEES ARE NOT CLAY PIGEONS.

But, Emily, whatever do you mean? What is this metaphor?

It goes like this.

One by one, over the next couple of months, Democratic nominees are going to launch their official bids for President. They are going to launch themselves, one by one, into the sky, right into our line of vision.

Our job is not to shoot them.

Our job is NOT, the second we see them cross the sky, to reach out for the gun being handed to us by conservatives (because duh, conservatives and guns) and take aim, and blast them, one by one out of the air, for not being absolutely perfect.

Not likeable enough. BOOM.

Not an inspiring enough speaker. BOOM.

Said that awkward thing that one time. BOOM.

I wouldn’t want to have a beer with them. BOOM.

Too old. BOOM. Too female. BOOM. Too white. BOOM.

Not a fucking flawless progressive superhero. BOOM.

Because what happens next? We shoot the candidates down. We degrade them. We belittle them. We smear them. Then we hand the gun to the media. They do the same. They hand the gun to the conservatives. They do the same. Then the bots start reloading. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.

And then at the end of primary season, we have to pick up the shattered remains of whoever got the most votes and attempt to glue them back together into a candidate who can win the general election.

And we will lose. Because we learned fucking NOTHING from 2016, apparently.

Trump didn’t win because every conservative loves him. Most of them hate his fucking guts. But they held their noses and voted for him because he was the only way to push their agenda forward. And holy shit, have they pushed it. Despite his complete ineptitude, his bumbling, his gross incompetence, his blatant corruption, they have shoved through some really damaging policies that are hurting real people every single day, and they will continue to do so for as long as we let them.

So, here we are. You’re not jazzed about Liz Warren? Awesome. Beto not your boy? Swell. Sick of Biden memes? Good for you, friend. Keep it to yourself. Why? Because EVERY SINGLE DEMOCRAT WHO RUNS IS INFINITELY BETTER FOR THE FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY THAN THE FLAMING RACIST POPULIST TRASH CURRENTLY STEERING THIS COUNTRY DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN.

I’m not sure if you noticed, but we already elected a guy based on a cult of personality rather than on whether he was qualified in any way to do the job, and we’re going to be putting out the flames for DECADES.

But what do we do instead, you ask? Watch debates. Compare platforms. Be informed. Choose your favorite BASED ON REAL FACTUAL POLICIES AND EXPERIENCE, NOT ON YOUR DELICATE FEELINGS AND WHETHER YOU FEEL SUFFICIENTLY ENTERTAINED OR INEXPLICABLY HAPPY AT THE VERY SIGHT OF THEIR GLOWING FACE. Then get involved. Register people. Drive to the polls. Hold signs on street corners. Write postcards. Knock on doors. Don’t tell us why the other candidates suck, tell us why yours is THE BEST. Fight FOR them. Remember how we used to fight FOR things, rather than against them? I know Trump makes it hard to remember, but I promise, that’s a thing we used to know how to do.

Then we all, collectively, wholeheartedly, throw our weight and energy and voice behind whoever gets the nomination. If we do that, we win. Period.

,It’s not a question of who can beat Trump, don’t you get it? A sentient fucking houseplant with a liberal platform could beat Trump, if we do this right. It’s a question of whether WE can beat him, or would we rather tear ourselves apart?

Look around you, folks. The stock market is in free-fall. Our international reputation is in tatters. Our foreign policy is for sale to dictators. Our free press is under daily attack. Our Supreme Court is one conservative white dude away from full-on Gilead, and we can’t keep asking an 84-year-old-woman recovering from broken ribs and a third bout of cancer to hang on for six more years because we can’t get our heads out of our own asses. I mean, she’ll do it, obviously, because RBG is a BOSS, but she shouldn’t have to.

I repeat. This is not a test of our candidates. There are lots of good, solid options. It’s a test of US. Of OUR ability to unite. Of OUR strength. Of OUR ability to put aside selfish arbitrary purity tests and scales of “likeability” and to just FUCKING GET IT DONE. We don’t need the perfect candidate to rescue us. We need to realize that we can rescue ourselves.

So, how about it, Resistance? They want us to forget that we have the numbers, the motivation, and the power. They want us to implode. Let’s explode instead, and leave nothing but a charred ruin of this nightmare administration in our wake.

BOOM.